so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
