it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
