I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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