I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
