How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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