At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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