flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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