I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
