so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I licked your asshole in confidence.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
