If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
