I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize