You work out of a Hotel?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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