oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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