batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
ugly people sure do ruin things
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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