OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
