I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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