allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize