The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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