Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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