D3 body, D1 cock
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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