I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
