She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
