Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
this hospital has no fireball
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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