Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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