i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize