I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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