We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My friends, they love my intelligence
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
