How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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