I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
