By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
