Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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