We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize