his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
