Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
