I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize