We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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