He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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