I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
