hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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