If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
