so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize