If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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