google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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