i permit you to call me
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
