she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
