quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
