I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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