Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
