I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
