they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
