Only a mothe r could love this liver
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
