i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
