fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
