Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
