dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
