i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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