i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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