please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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