great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
