How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She's JV to your varsity
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Randomize
