she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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