Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
