There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
