im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
