My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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