Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
