I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
