I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
