There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
