oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
