I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
